Knowing that im waking up every morning feeling like part of me was missing but realising that he doesnt feel the same way, the fact that he's probably enjoying his peaceful life makes me feel like I am short changing myself. I can look at it in a two way, he didnt care and maybe I deserve better, I should have a men that values me to a point he cant lose me. But if I look at it at another way because call me skeptical but when I hear about this sentence 'You deserve a better man.' *Roll eyes*
Because that's the most common comforting words people use. So Looking at another perspective, yes he made me better person, he made me realise a lot of things. But was I doing the same for him? Was my existence making him be better? If not, why?

People are afraid to lose the people around them because of how that person affect them so much in their life but some doesnt feel it because you werent an impact in their life.
Then this made more sense to me.

That's why I believe I should wake up with a purpose & that's to be better than I was before. It wasnt about the empty heart anymore but a mission that reminds me that today, Im going to improve myself.

& Im very bless to have this platform that obviously enables me to improve so much as a human being, as a lady. So that in the future I am able to support and help my man & vice versa.

Throughout those journey, it was a short journey but it was good times. I never felt like this before, I was actually happy & comfortable around him? The fact that the things he actually did for me was pretty surprising. It's probably a big move for him even though people would probably think it's nothing much but i appreciate the things he did. But I didnt did much. I wanted to ask him about how he was, how was his day, where he was. But it somehow just doesnt seem to make sense to ask. I keep giving distance. I felt that maybe he wouldn't want me to ask those question either. So much of holding back, I had a chance but I never said a word but right now I will never get a chance to anymore. Everything was just 'If only' But I guess this are lessons I learn now. At least I learn right?


God knew what to do, He closed the door for a chance for me to be a better person. He closed the door so I can spend my love with God. When will He open the door again? I do not know but I have to admit I do dream of that door to open again.

But I just need to be better. I'm 21 this year & I'm far from being what a 21 should be. I need to grow up, mature myself & have more achievements in life.

I guess in bad situation there's always a good reason behind it.


17.01.16