just some stuff i wrote and type while i was fasting. just ended :)
4th day of fasting
First day of school was the first time I didn't feel any awkwardness, nervous or anything like those phobia of stepping in. Only the reluctant-ness. Regin was with me the whole time, We went to school together by bus and Qiucheng laugh when he looked at us because it was weird to look at each other with our uniform. Regin and I are studying at the same class too! And with my baby sheep, Cynthia. So with them with me, I felt calm. I don't know all the student name in my class yet, but soon =)
5th day of fasting,
2nd day of school.
Regina and I are my english teacher's asistents! It's okay, she didn't say much to me or even recognize me, probably think I don't understand english. So yup, but she's nice. Yesterday went swimming with regina and Cynthia . Many people told me yesterday was very hot. But I didn't felt it at all. I thought the weather was very nice, plus when you open your eyes in the pool, you could see the sunlight. So beautiful, didn't have a waterproof camera =(
Now, I'm like pinkish and brown. LOL. But I sort of like it. Regin and cynth turn and look at me in class They say I look drunk. Plus I was really tired. They both laughed at me and turned away. Left me clueless. Drunk. LOL. Jack say I look like I put on make up. that would be a lot of blusher! Regin, they say she looked burnt. She's really tanned now. But she suits it. I look bad when I'm tanned. Yukkie. I wanna be tanned but I can't =( I look really ugly. But I like my leg colour! Because it's even now. Woots.
The school set a new rules! That is, we have to wear the same socks! Which sucks to the core. Going to buy high cut converse. A must!!!
5th day of fasting!
I'm doing fine!
6th day,
Well, it's getting really tempting to go on the internet but N.O no! So, today, well, they say I still look dead in class. Well, it's really boring. I need to release my energy! Than listening to all the "lectures" :/
I'm so sad, my shoe is too clean! Sigh.. one more year. It's okay! Shouldn't make any promises with muy mum :p I'm writing since I can't blog. So at least I got to write eh? So, without internet, I help out in the kitchen. I cooked, pasta sauce (tomato) & fried long beans. Easy! Well, just listing to orders :p I think I have to start learning how to cook! Some chinese food too. Today , they ate pork ribs, pasta, garlic bread. While I have my grandma cooked soup (chinese style), mushroom soup, vanilla milk shake & sundae ice cream. No doubt have to do lots of lots of sit up! Scared yoo!
Today, my grandma laugh till she hit me. Best part, my sun burnt area. Ouch. But she didn't know about it. I was like "owh hen tong! " and she just laugh ==
So my sch bag is officially done! One and only in dah world yo! XD
FB.FB.FB. LOL! Stupid. Well, God is probably testing me, while I watch tv bunch of stuff linked me to go and surf the net. Suffering with joy =)
Really stress out now. Don't even know can I cope with both of my studies! Two different stuff. Feel like giving up one. Particular one. But the
competitive me is out. Why should I torture myself? Sigh. Pray pray!
8th day,
Honestly Idk how I made it through 4 years in that stupid school. I hate it so much words can't even describe it. All those stupid stuff they come out with. It's fu*king ridiculous. But schools are schools. And I'm just like the rest of the kids trying to accept what's in front of me, at the same time there's this rebellious part in my flesh just wants to roar out for it's freedom. School is somewhere we learn and prepare ourselves for the outside world. Meet people that either make your life shytty or beautiful. Not to make us like some bunch of military people. This is stupid in so many ways.
I hate my schol. I sound freaking childish but I really meant it, I really feel this way. Okay, maybe the whole no meat in my stomach is acting up.I feel really crappy. 17. they say it's time to grow up and start planning for your future. Well, I start planning and know what I want when i was 15. I feel grown up? I have no freaking idea.
All I know, it's too soon. You plan for your future and you know what want and just want to get out of here. Because when you plan. It's when you take you a look at yourself. What you like. What you're doing with your life. You. Then you know and realize what you love and what you hate. There's this urge to go for it. You'll also realize how sucky reality is then you get scared of growing up. You just wish you don't exist. How are you going to cope with it?
Money. Money scares me. Job, am i able to get a job? Cash . It's like so limited now. For everyone or maybe I just want too much out of life. Beach bum. Ha, what a way to call me. Seriously I don't think i like that name. Thanks dad? Maybe I just know how to enjoy my life okay? sigh.. hug hug need hug from someone. Tell me everything will be okay please? Anyone out there who actually cares. okay. I think too much mushroom soup is activated. Side effects. But I really hate my school........................ Dies....................... Back. Argh. Drown me someone!
School sock rules - RULEZZ BIG TIME! lml I LOVE THAT FU*KING SOCKS! It makes me look so "cool".. I'm so "awesome" Braded by it. Next time you know our shoes, out haircut will all be the same. Then we have to shave our head and we have school logo on the back of our head. We have to line up to enter school they will scan our necks, where we have bar codes on it. Nanana comes to life and we find someone to stop this and sing "bulletproff heart" to him or her? I'm hungry. Danger days are really coming. The world is after me, after you. Okay stop. Jesus. Help me. I hope I didn't fail my test. I should leave everything to you. I shouldn't be talking stuff like this.
Day nine.
The socks is ridicoulus, hidious and hilarious. Who came out the with the rules? I mean wtf? Sigh.. and it's thick ands hot. Gosh this is stupid. High cut baby , where are you? Today. was like the worst from the other school days. I have no idea is it the school socks that is really affecting or what. I want to go crazy! Not locked up =( I WANT THE BEACH. I want to feel the sand in my palms. My feet in the ocean. Sand in my hair. That weird texture of your hair after soaking in the salt water for quite sometime. Sentosa beach is one reason I decided to give in to my dad's desicion on sending me there to study. I mean KL was my first choice. But they don't have the beach. So yeah. Sg is the winner. I don't know will I like it. But I'm sure it's goin to be better than here now. Going there without knowing anyone. Going somewhere so unfamiliar. Which church should I go to? Sigh. Anyway, Got to get my result done first! Do really well so I don't need to stay another year in there :)
Day 10
Finally got my baby high cut. Now it's much better, I feel better. Fine. I'm self consious. Yes. Very much. Anyway, now I got it the way I wanted it. :)
Day 11
Today is a almost pretty good day for me. I'm still clueless on my math. Probably do some revisions later. Fell asleep in class without any intention. Just daydream and poof. Bunch of math stuff on the blackboard, sigh.. Lately I thought about it. Thinking that accounts would be a lot more interesting. Well, I was wrong. I bet history and geography will be even better. And in geography class I can learn about the world. I guess Thank God for google. I can still get a chance to learn more about it. It's been awhile since I exercise and play my skateboard. Wouldn't have that energy to do all those :(
Suppose to go to SG today, changed of plans :S Dad want me to stay home. Sigh.. I thought I could go out. Than stay home. Plus if I'm out and really bored, I would study. Too bad. Tired.................................. Going to cook my dinner laytah...
Day 12.
It was driving me insane. Not the food part but the internet. It was crazy, I didn't know I would be that affected, but I'm sure there was a reason why it striked me to take on this fast. It's like a businessman who can't leave a finger off his blackberry. Yeah, kinda exarated that part. But yeah. Jack would die if he had to do this LOL.
12.01.12. A day Regin and I became serious with what that was going on in our minds. We totally know how each other feel for it. People thought we were a little bit too much. But it's real and it was happening. No one knew how we feel. Well, it just took one look. I'm freaking missing it. I miss everything about it. I'll take any opportunity to go there.
Day13
Well, I miss it so much I even dreamt of it. Regin went to help me out with it. But we both know it was a bad thing. Well, technically speaking I wasn't the one using the ipad to go on the net to check it out. LOL. But it's just a dream. Made me better because it's like I did it already. Well, you guys are probably extreamly clueless what I'm talking about. Okay skip!
I'm doing fine, felt stress out all of the sudden and started to teared. Emotional bitch. LOL. Nah.. I'm really not that bad. Watched "How do you know" with shan. The main actress reminds me of me, holding everything tgt trying to deal things in your own way. trying to convience that your strong enough. Sighh.. But well, hollywood. Everything has to have a happy ending just to make everyone feel better. Bullshyt. But one thing kinda creeps me out is when she said what she thinks about love. Same thought I had. Freaky.
Reading this book mum gave me ccalled the gift. it's good. Like a wake up call. Makes me wonder how I am with people. I hope I'm okay. I just wish I could clone myself to stand and just watch how I am and how I do things in a different perspectif. see things from people's point of view to know what I did wring and change.
Suppose to get my work done. Write your opinion in 300 words. Two stories so 600 words. Oh, and when I say words I meant Chinese word. That's so damn hard when you can't even link to the story :/ (guess what? I went to school and found out that that this essay, when they say 300 words they meant both essay tgt! >:( )
Oh my found back my old stuff. My old emo punk songs. Shytness! LOL!! I don't know why but I put them in my ipod. Man, I miss them ! But kinda change my style of songs.. Man. the vulgure words! Hahaha... What the heck am I doing at such a young age LOL. My first band I like was simple plan. That was 8. nine I fell in love with Green day, I rmb asking ppl my age you know green day?? and they were like 0.0 green who?? XD! I miss them. Blink 182. hahah.. Good charlotte. Those was the days... The punk bands now can't really make it. No offence.
Seeing all those pictures. I miss the thin me :(
Day17
Guess what? Time passes so fast! Yes, I'm serious. It's day 17!! Too fast. I'm glad! Because it means, sat is near. I can smell my holidays so near. <3 Today, I giggled to myself just the thought that we'll finish school early on sat! 11am and I'll be free, mum will be picking me up, then we, the whole family will go for brakfast. Yeah. You heard me whole family including Nic who's will be back! But since you're reading this, yeah she's back already. Anyway, no need to attend school for the next 7 dys!
CNY is near. I wanna control on my food. Got new goal :D 4 months <3 my body. Going to say goodbye to my fats. My muscles are suffercoating telling me they wanna see the world, they're brave to come out now XD
Going to study bullshyt later. Stinky >< LOL> BS! Argh.. So much to memorize. BS=Business studies. In case you didn't know what bullshyt stands for over here. Tehee.. test on friday ><
Teatea gave me a dream catcher. I yelp, gasps, silent shout, hug. When I saw it. Too sudden, didn't expect it. It's orange it's so nice (= Love it(= I only mention about it once or twice! I can't promise we'll be close forever, I don't know the future but we must keep in contact when we're not in school anywmore. Updates. Nothing last forever let's just cherish what we had and have (= <3
I should start studying. Peace out .
Day 18
Whatsup people!! HAhaha.. IMHSM! ): hhahaah.. why do I feel hype? well, i'm not consistant with this whole "journal" thing. Because I'm starting to have the habit of not on-ing the comp already tehee.. Day 18! Can't you believe it?? So fast 0.0 And I don't mind being a vegetarian! XD I love vege now!! Fruits are my best friend now haha.. Yummy stuff. Watermelon :D guava actually keeps me from getting hungry. Finish my oral today! I'm so happy with my marks. Satisfied. The highest among the other years. But teacher say the script is kinda short. Regin and I. Woots! She had to stand in front of me. I tired not to laugh which made me kinda stiff after that.
So. I made a deal with myself. In 4 months Im gonna have packs! Yeah. You heard me. Tehee.. I'm tired of those fats bringing me down, intead of complaining I, Rachel, will do something about it.
Yes, time to continue my BS (sleppy already) ):
Day19
Finish studying the bs! Going to write one more last time before I sleep (: Borrowed ukulele from Jack! Heehee.. But I can't go online so can't check tabs. Only can play two songs, sea of love and five years time :/ anyway got two more days it's okay! I got a feeling I'm going to miss fasting ):
I hate that feeling after exersicing I go and eat my dinner. Putting food into my stomach,guilty.. I really want to loose those weights! Can't believe I actually studied! I never do this before. Wow. Miracles are happening already? Thank you Lord! Actually kinda tired already.
Kinda hype that nicole is coming back so ssonn ! Hehee.. Feeling very frustrated lately.. Pms? I hate it. Don't cooommmee! Wait do come. I wanna go to the beach soon, mum say picnic! =D Got double chin already! Sobbieesss! Nvm it's coming out , because it's leaving :D
Jack, Btw just wanna say I'm really glad about everything. Rmb I'll always be here no matter you're in a bad or good situation okay? Just look for me. Your brahthor/sisthor will always be there ;) I think we should confirm our identidy. But then I wanna be both! XD bro and sis. Not bad eh? Ha.
Becky and Van bought us wallet. I love it! The colour is very nice too (: Can replace my stupid handmade pouch (:
I wanna surf soon. I really want too!!! Dreamt about it for so long already. SIgh.. But I know I'll have my chance. Just like my skateboard, I dreamt of skating since I was 8, and I was able to skate when I was 16. Kinda long 0.0 But it's okay. I'll make sure I'll able to surf by this year, who want to come with me? (:
Day20
Mood swing. Crazy girl mode actived. Trying to keep clam. Things I rather keep to myself. Skip. Tired day. Pale face.
Day21
It happened! P_s. Well I told Jack, we jump, shake hands and go "yayyy!" Happy to know that's what that cause whatever that happen yesterday. Not because I was a total abnormal person.
Better today. It so much fun when we're in the hall. The best celebration of CNY they held. (Applause) Everything about the school is pretty cool, you can't get that in other schools. I just hate the study method that's all.
So many FY people in cs today :/ Saw jack and URIAH! yayyyy.. It's been awhile since I saw him. So yup.
Addicted to stupid liar by big bang. I know. It's korean group. Rachel are you serious?? Yes. I know it's all a BIG HUGE suprise. But they're realy good! ><
Today is my last day of fasting it's crazy. I'm staying up late tonight, midnight. To eat my chocolate muffin :p Yay! get to eat desserts! Meat!!! Chicken wing! Cheese!!!! Bread!! Oh my Lord. I can't believe I did it. Eat only vegetables and fruits for 15days. 6 days only on beverage. WOW. Thank the Lord for it. He pull me through it. I'm used to it now (: I've been eating a lot of vege too! Haha, I used to dislike potatoes. Now I like them (: 6days of beverage fast and 15 days of daniel fast almost complete. Honestly speaking I'm attatch to it. LOL.
So,
We have this booklet where everyday we have to read it. One day about one topic. Learn new things too. It's been really great. Today will be a great day.
So I've no idea why but today it's like our family can't communicate. Not in a bad way but funny way. Everyone has so much in mind. No one wants to listen to anyone. Everyone is talking! "wait wait" "let me say first" "hey hey" "eh" "no! no!" "did you know" and dad was like "eat faster we have to go, stop talking" And they pause for like what? 2 secs only? Then continue. Me "Can I say something?!" "Hey! Hellooo??... Nic. Nic. Che. che." "Fine. No one wants to listen." "Did you hear what I say." Man, it isn't easy. Our voices seems to be louder today. All trying to cover each other's voices. But it's really nice (:
I wanna by amp. Zzzzz....
Going to remodel a few clothes (:
Well, If you really read the whole thing. My whole "journal" I'm suprise. Becasue it's really long. I mean usually no one gives a damn to read it. I'm just writing/typing because I want too. Well, Thanks. Appreciate you taking/wasting your time on this. It's not really interesting, I know. But yeah.. But I would like to know who read it. That will be nice :) Leave a comment? yeah. You have a nice day.
To all my readers!
God bless you.
Jesus loves you, me, us.
No offence to anyone.
Stay awesome ;)
The even awesome one,
Rachel.P
