I was frequent questioned about my high school life.
The people i know didnt quite understand why i could live like that.
Have i ever lived in regret over what ive done.
Well for the some of you who dont know,
Heres a little insight of it: Ive never really studied much,
I dont pass 80% of my subjects,
Teachers never remember my name (though not too sure why they could remember my face)
I hated my high school,
The truth is i dont care any bit of it.
Mostly i came with answers like,
Okay heres the deal,
I was never fond of the chinese language, in fact i suck.
I saw how stressful my sister was( i saw her cry while studying and damn the way she plead to leave that school)
I hated the system. Fking memorize memorize and yeah fcking more memorize.
It was hard to find people who actually likes the music i was into.
I hate their style.
Everyone was all into the same shyt.
No charming boys.
Well hey i was 13.. And yes im a girl so i do look at boys.
Okay back to it.
But my dad forced me into it because he thinks its a 'great school!'
So what i did?
Easy,
Now there was one thing called retained,
You dont pass then you retained.
How do you not pass?
Dont study.
yeah i get scolded because of my stupidity and childish thoughts. But at that moment i was so determine.
So that was my plan,
I retain. Dad gets worry. Drop me out and im off to where i want to be.
So it was smooth sailing.
I dont study much but i make sure i keep out of trouble i pass up my homework, copy notes, and pay attention in class.
Well thats what they think.
Truth was i was like an empty machine writing everything down opening my eyes and thinking about what im gonna do after i leave this place and have bunch of doodles in my text book.
It happen, i didnt retained but i didnt pass either, just short of two marks. Which means i still got to stay.
But dad did got worried.
Agreement of leaving was done till a last minute change of plans. I stayed. I didnt have a choice. I was living under my parents it wasnt me who could voice out.
Honestly i was a child full of hate and rebellion.
I always held back.
All i could do was scribble my anger on my room wall about how much i hated the school. It was the only way I could release.
In the end,
I knew my principle,
Whatever my parents taught me it was
working.
So after plans after plans after plans.
I realize i was in my last year of high school.
Same shyt, passed year i didnt participate in any activity, i still fail all my subjects except English, art and pe. I passed once in my junior year. The rest, i was just jumping from one class to another.
Did i regret?
Lol.
I had friends awesome friends with me. I found people who had the same interest with me.
I gathered them together.
And we turn out to be quite an awesome team.
I had fun.
It was many good times.
But deep down yeah, i do regret not participating in activities, not studying to get good result because i know i could, not accepting my fame in fact i let it die, not being friendly enough to people.
But.
What also made me feel like this was,
I couldnt sit still for too long.
I was restless.
I couldnt respect my teachers.
I always think whatever i was learning was bullshyt.
Its not gonna really help me.
I didnt want to make the effort to memorize them.
My brain just wouldnt accept them.
I like mathes.
But i was lazy.
I didnt want to practice.
I hate the rules.
I hate the fact that we were force into a system like freaking robots.
I hate how they brainwash the kids to think this is the only way.
Yea society made it this way.
I hate how teachers dont respect the students who are academically weak.
I hate how just because you fail in your subjects youre known as stupid,
What if these kids arent failures? What if they just saw something that the other children dont?
But yet they are just known as rebels.
I hate how teachers use the wrong way to do it and make all the other student stay away from them.
I hate it.
I hate how they dont show enough care for the students. Or at least try to understand what was going through their mind.
Rather than just scolding them or make them become a joke in class.
I know this because i saw it in fact i experienced it.
I had teachers who punished me, teachers who make fun of me, bullied me.
But i thank them for making me learn to be ignorant to them so i will not get effected.
I had teachers who walk up to me to show concern and asked me what was going on. They look out for me and make sure i was doing alright.
I remember them and have respect for them.
My high school years
All i ever wanted was to leave.
Because i truly hated the system.
I hate how they dont really make you ready for whats out there.
We weren't formed.
And im grateful i wasnt poisoned or educated by them.
Im thankful i didnt follow the rules.
I always felt bad with those student who did well in class.
In the end they know nothing but getting good grades. They didnt know what was fun. They didnt know whats life.
You either study so hard to go for what you want or you study so hard because you dont know what else you could do.
In fact without high school they were lost. They dont know what they want in life. They dont know whats next.
Thrilling huh?
We werent taught to know.
We weren't taught about life.
Thats why i make use of my high school.
Find true friends, that you cant find in society,
Learn more about what i love.
Get hurt by boys, but never let them know they hurt you. Every process will make your mind opened up. You dont need to go through a relationship you just need the thoughts to make you understand. And be prepared for.
Go out with those friends.
Know what fun is.
Find what youre suppose to be in the future.
Find out your purpose.
Grow up mentally and emotionally.
and the thing is i realize how hard it was to retained like how ? People judge so quickly bunch of stereotypes that think you fail in your exam that means you're stupid yet they claim themselves to be educated. But till they go out there proudly with their flying colour result and cant even know how to use a simple powerpoint or know anything about the society or even anything about the media. Im a person without much words but I will hang a smile on my face and hope the best for you.
Though i drop out for my last senior year,
I went for what i want.
And now im studying new media.
Im enjoying it.
I got to learn what i like.
In fact i was studying.
My soul is with me in class.
I make sure i get good result.
And make sure i did not failed any subjects.
But now passing wasnt just what im looking for.
Im glad and i look forward to learn more.
And there are people out there holding their high school certificate who doesnt know what they wanna do in life.
High school was the best time to explore.
And yes if i had a choice to change it,
I rather not.
And here's a little insight about my previous high school if you didnt read this post :
http://rpyit.blogspot.com/2012/02/dont-go-to-space.html
