Everything was in placed.
Everything was meant to be.

Meant to be.
It wasnt just a saying but the truth.
It had to turn ugly into order to become beautiful.
In my perspective everything was perfect, it was everything I wanted.
But God saw, saw what could be better. He saw what that is perfect in His eyes and not in mine.
I blame the mess but it's was 'uglily beautifully' made.
He turn it upside down to transfigure it to be even more beautiful.
A beauty I have not known of but to lean and trust in Him in it.

He saw what I couldnt see.
He knew what I couldnt understand.

But I will lean into it.

Because this ugly mess isnt really a mess, it's work of beauty.
A process while the beauty will be born.
During this process of waiting it's a stage of development, a stage to grow and be better.

In order to be on par with the beauty that lies ahead.

Suddenly God has opened my eyes to another level of understanding.

Everything made sense.

'Leave it to me to work on him.'

Yes, the more impossible it seems the greater the miracle would be.

'God chooses to cut into my ungrateful heart to make me whole.'
For something to be beautiful it has to be destructed and construct again in new growth. Pain is just a part of it.
Just like a muscle that has to tear to grow and develop into a more beautiful structure.

Thank you Lord.


03.12.16

不知不觉看回了我们的信息.. 差别好大.. 我真的很坏 很残忍 真的很贱 嘴巴好他妈的贱 很讨厌自己那么恶心 你不理会我也是应该的 我一直觉得为什么我们不能回去像以前一样 觉得为什么你不能原谅我 看回去也觉得自己太厚脸皮觉得自己有资格被原谅 真的很对不起 以前所说的话 我知道我不能回去了 我知道你不原谅我是应该的 我这种态度那么恶心 谁想跟回我做朋友吧对吗？真的觉得自己很过分 我知道这一切也已经是个过去 也没什么好说了 只是看回去真的觉得自己很欠打 想和你道歉 你不必原谅 我明白的 我也不值得被原谅

可是还是很感谢你对我的好 虽然现在一切
只是个回忆罢了 但是还是很感激

很伤心失去了你 都在等着我你找我 可是看回 你根本没原因找我 我根本没必要在你的世界了

我一直很想要像以前那样 我可以跟你厚脸皮的说 ，但我明白你不管这一切

可是我真的很后悔 而且一直想把事情变好回来 可是我真的不懂我能真么办 我该怎么办才好 ，你可以告诉我吗

我觉得我很羞耻 可是我真的不懂要做什么了


01.03.16