Some how i just felt like it was time for me to prepare,
prepare my heart for what that has been holding it whole.
Knowing what maybe coming,
i told myself it's okay.
just moving on and look over the hope of another keeper.
you smiled at the things i teased,
you frown as i gave sarcastic remarks,
you become worry when i never say a word,
but all this will be gone because you will never care,
and my silents wouldnt matter.
i never thought the time we have is only for a short while,
i thought i would be the last and the longest.
but here she is coming into the world of us.
ive never welcome her presence.
you put her away for my anxiety to be a past.
you smiled at the things i teased,
you frown as i gave sarcastic remarks,
you become worry when i never say a word,
but all this will be gone because you will never care,
and my silents wouldnt matter.
the scene of her message that light up your phone,
will probably be the light to your life.
the scene of your smile that i manage to put on your face,
will probably be the last of it.
the scene of your frown that proved for i've hurt you
will probably be turn upside down.
the scene of your worry eyes when im sad,
will probably be gone.
Because there's no more love,
nothing I do would affect you anymore.
But everything between us which will be pass on to both of you,
will be a memory lane for me.
'You look great today."
Such easy and short sentence could change everything.
Your day, your mood, your confidence.
I always thought of it as 'just in the movies' situation.
Words like this doesnt come true.
I came across an article about people who shared about whats the best compliments they ever received in their life and that simple sentence pop out again.
It made me thought about it again, that maybe it might be true. It might actually happen.
I havent received much compliment lately from someone i love.
It made me pounder again.
Having hopes and expectation maybe, just maybe today is the day.
Though i have been dressing up lately because it makes me feel good but apart of that it makes me wonder how would he think and what compliment i might receive.
So i put on a dress did some make up and left the house.
Not sure how to feel yet i got up the car.
Not to my expectation I was criticed about my apperrance.
Questioned on why i was dress this way being inappropriate for the function.
It left me speechless. Hopes just burnt down rapidly. I was left with uncertainty.
Just in a short seconds, my confident was gone. I felt extremely stupid for hoping that today would be the day i could actually hear it.
Feeling insecure with my velvet black dress, cardigan and my pair of vans. I removed my thin gold necklace and chucked it in my grey mk bag. Tied up my black wavy hair. If i has make up remover i would have removed my eyeliner. Today was the first day i wore my new contacts. Made me felt so much regret i should have just left it for next month.
Its funny how one comment could turn my life around. Questioning myself and thinking how stupid i was to actually think ive deserve a compliment like that. Ive never been affected by people, it was just him that ruined me. As he questioned about why i kept silent and being all weird made me wonder again, so people say things about you and they forget about it and think they didnt do anything to ruin you. I kept quiet. As he got down from the car grab something, the moment the door closed. I teared up and started to breakdown. I knew i couldnt because my make up is going to be tuin like my confident and i couldnt let him know. I looked up and convince myself that i was okay and he came back.
After a long ride.. Everything just got me more speechless. 'Youre getting mad because of that?' 'Its no big deal.' Maybe i was a little too sensitive. But fuck you.
As we reached out destination, i came across a friend of mine. 'Hey! You looked great ! Wow velvet dress.' Getting a good compliment yes. It happened. But was it a lie ? The guy which im thinking of spending my life with who also told me he love me said ive gone overboard with my outfit like a was going to pub cant probably be a lie right ?
I didnt get it. 'Nice contacts' again. Yet wasnt from him again.
Maybe people we arent close with just gave compliment to make people's day that doesnt need to be the truth but just something to say.
Yet the people we are close to will never lie to us.
Maybe what people say doesnt matter.
I just need to be better.
