I'm a hard to read,
hard to understand.

I understand that this is the fact because the look on people's face when they don't get what's wrong with me.
I try to hide my feelings often, I just don't see the need of showing.
I'm not comfortable showing or expressing how I feel.
I just haven't met anyone that I'm willing to let it all out and show the true me and still feel secure.
That's why I'm the only one who knows that I'm suffering.
I'm not trying to say how strong I am.
I'm not strong,
in fact this is more like a weakness I have.

I just don't like being comfort or sympathize with.
I just don't like when people look at me and go, hey it's alright.
It's like thanks but no thanks. I'm fine and I can deal with it myself.

It's funny how you can actually control your feelings.
One second you're in tears,
and when you decided it's time to stop being stupid,
your tears could just stop.
Breathe in and out hard enough and you're back.

Smile and go crazy.

I guess it's just my way of letting it go and forget about everything little shyty stuff that's bothering you at that moment.

You're with your friends must as well be happy and leave your sadness later alone.

I'm still hard to read but it's not like I'll keep this distance and be rude to you.
I'll be nice and I'm only nice to people that I want to, sincerely.
I hate fakers and I don't want to be one.
There's many people out there who knows me and know who I am.
Yes, I do find that extremely weird because the fact I live in my own world not giving a care to what people say or think about me, and I pretty not care about other people lives who are not affected to me because I don't see the need of it.
But well, you see there's a different between knowing me and know about me.
It's always easy to get through the first one, the second one you probably need a life time.
I'm pretty much not consistent.
For awhile you might get me right and next you're wrong about it.

So,
don't get mad when you can't understand.

But on the other hand I could understand people really fast.
And know how they feel and think.
I think it's great because I love helping people out and solving their problem when they need someone to.
It's a really nice feeling when they come up to you and tell you their problem,
I don't think it's annoying in fact I enjoy it.
Helping people and letting them smile again with what you say is just a great feeling, it makes me glad too.
And it's like they trust you.
And I would keep their stuff to myself because I don't wanna break that trust we have.
It's funny how they come up to me to all type of situations especially relationship problems.
I salute them because they trust me on that even though I've never been in one.
But their response is thanks why didn't I thought of that, the fact how appreciative they are makes me satisfied. 

I really appreciate those around me and love to hang around with me.
It's weird why they never left.
It's funny how they could miss me.
I know you can miss someone.
But me?
Lol.
It's cute that they sometimes can't understand me yet they try to be understanding and go, that's her. it's alright.
But it's cool that they leave me alone and let me deal with my own feelings and let me fight with myself.
It's like they know I can deal with it and I'll be back to that version of me that they are familiar with soon.

It's hard to find people like this.

I'm grateful for them.

I thank the Lord for what I have and gonna have,
always. 

I couldn't quite explain or understand how I'm actually feeling right now.