You're a stranger.
Yet you kept approaching me.
You kept calling me.
You make me someone I'm not.
You make me feel like I didn't do anything wrong.
You blur my vision.
You ask me to do stupid things that I shouldn't do.
You change me at that split second.

I really don't know you.
I kept asking you to leave.
I kept crying.
I kept running.
I kept cursing you.
I told you to shut your mouth.
I told to stop asking me to cut my wrist.
I told you to get out.

Yet you never reply.

I sat there.
I was blank.
I felt like I was staring into space.
I felt like I wasn't me.
I felt like you're trying to kill me.
I felt like you're a devil.

I keep calling Jesus.
I was crying.
I keep talking to him.
I was asking Him to help me.
I felt safe.
I told him I was sorry for not controlling.
I felt His presence.
I kept speaking in tongue.
I told Him that I love him.

You were gone.
You weren't there.
You know you'll be back.

I'll shall tell you.

Rachel.

Stop it.
Stop trying to do that.
Stay away from me.
I don't need your bullshit.
Stay out.


My another half.


Stop it.

Okay a post of frustration. Ha.

Today just isn't my day. F*cked up actually.

I knew something was coming. I sense it. No wonder I felt so darn tired and down.

Whole day is like problems to problems just keeps coming. It's like people trowing stones at you at once and you can't avoid not even one of it.

I tried my best to solve it. Hard shyt. But I kept praying talking to God to help me through. I guess that's why I love being alone. I get to talk to God at the time.

Walking alone speaking in tongues but kinda afraid walking pass people, they would think somethings wrong with me. But I just continue with it.

Coming back home, having a headache which was already been there the whole day just trying my best to ignore it. I fell asleep on the living room floor for an hour. Woke up went for tea break and came back.

Decided to watch Percy Jackson. Watching him made me feel better. Soothe me down. I needed him. Which was sick to the core. Ha. Watch and exercise. Ahh.. I feel much better. But not for long.

After cycling for eighty minutes. The movie wasn't done. So I sat there to finished it. Someone calls me and say whowho wants to watch her show. But hey it's not time yet HELLO!~ silents. ahh... continue watching. But it didn't last long. Boom. I had enough of all the nonsense. I change the channel and went up. F it.

Seriously! We have 3 televisions in the house. Okay let's count it two. Since you can't use the other one. What's wrong watching with the other tv?! Ohh is it too small or what huh?? Can't you see I'm watching mine. When I'm done you can watch yours alright?

Then something made it worse. The whowho actually didn't mind watching with that tv. It's the whowhowho who suggested no you should go down and watch. Urgh! I don't like watching things half way. Oh I get it I watched it more than once but it's different! I hate it!

My day is getting worse alright?! I feel awful. I feel like things isn't working hard no matter how hard I tried. I did my best but.. Still there wasn't any good thing in it. I had enough. I'm tired of this. I'm good in a lot of things but not this. Just let me go for want I can do than this. I'm tired. And I hate wasting my time on something that doesn't have progress. Urgh.. Please. Or I'm gonna blow.

There's no cliff for me to jump to feel better. There's no private place where I can go to let everything out. Place where only I know. There's no pool for me to jump in and feel like I'm drowning to feel better. There's no place for me to just shout and let everything out.

All I have is my cluttered room with no privacy. But yet I could tear there. And cry like a freaking big baby. Yes. I admit I'm weak in the inside. But we all have that right? Just that our tolerant levels are different.

I'm sure mine are stronger than yours because I hide things to myself for a long time yet I could still laugh like nothings wrong. Or am I just a better actor than you are? Or am I a better runner than you. I can run away from things longer.

But we're still human in the end. We get tired and the troubles still chase after you. And there you are again. Down. That's life. I'll get used to it.