The moment you thought that this is going to be something new, something different. But it never lasted. It always never lasted. It was always never the way we thought it would be.

My body is awake but my mind is not.
My heart, my eyes are heavy.
Waking up in the morning wasn't something I wanted.
It's not something that I wish would happen.
I was back to reality.
I tried to sleep. Hoping I was asleep.
I closed my eyes. I wasn't here again.
In that dream. You were there.
It's kinda weird why you randomly appeared in my dreams.
I guess I'm thinking about you too much.

Waking up. Thinking about what happen.
Thinking about the same thing last night.
Couldn't sleep.
But in the end I still did.
I just want to sleep for the whole day.
But I didn't had the rights to do that.
I have to start studying.
Not something I like.
But I guess we can't always do what we like.
(laughs)

What happen between us.
I have no idea.
I just hope everything would end.
I guess.
Both of you.
Yeah.
I'm waiting for that moment I can turn to my friend and say,
"Hey I guess it's my turn to sing my song."
Ha.
Let's wait to find out.
I'll wait even if you don't.

It's going to be the "best" chapter of my life.

It was something I never expected.
But yes, I did hope.

But It was just at the back of my mind.
I tried to put that thought aside.

And yes, it happened.

The feeling of it was great.
But yet it hurts because I have to cherish every moment.
It hurts to know you can't do what you want anymore.
It hurts to know that this time you have to stop following your feelings.

I didn't dare to look nor think about it.
But it was hard not too.
It was hard to focus on whatever that was happening.

Trying to do every small little things.
Just holding a hope.
And yes it came again.
But it didn't lasted.

It's also good to know about the things that you were trying to figure out for days.
It made me smile and sigh at the same time.
Both feelings mixed up.
Yet you can't even use a word to describe it.

Making a decision you think you're so brave, so thoughtful.
But part of you kept trying to do something stupid.
Something to avoid feeling down.
But deep down you know that you will have to face the problems again.
So why not now than later?
Sigh.

Thank you. It felt great.

I don't know why God keep putting me in such situation.

Maybe because I have to learn from those mistake and change it.

Ya i know exactly what I'm going to do now.

But it's so hard to change it.

What the eff am I gonna do now?

I mean like seriously.

Why this again?

Urgh. But this time is different.

But I know it's not gonna end beautifully.

So I have to change it.

But it's so hard.

I guess I just need some time to think it over.

But I still have to stick to that decision.

I will. Eventually.

People always say happy ever after. But do they really know what happen after that? Happy ending was just a start of something new.


Just one sentence and he just left her there. Alone. Waiting.

She waited for confirmation. She was confuse over everything. Wondering why all of the sudden he decided to just put this a break.

She had her pride. She waited for him to look for her. But he didn't.

She kept wanting to know what she did wrong. She tried to change hoping he would be back to love her like he used too.

Now wherever she went. Memories poured back into her mind. It hurts her badly. But she told herself to be strong and to hold on.

Everyday she hope she could see him. But he was never there.

She's still waiting for that moment he would come back to say how stupid he was. But part of her knew it was impossible.

She still counted the days they were together.

She wished this feeling would stop, but she love him too much. To the point it hurts.

She cries when something occurred her.

She blames herself again and again, and never blames him.

But, no matter how sad she was. She never hurt herself physically.
Which for me I thought was a good thing. No many girls would do that.
Seeing her like this at some point, I felt her pain. For some reason I just did.


She thinks he's probably avoiding all this.

He looks normal on the outside but is he in the inside?

He laughs everyday and talk bullshyt but is he really over it.

Probably he is or he wouldn't even did what he did at the start.

But does she knows what was he up to?

Does she knows he's talking to another girl? Does she know what he tells her?

If she does. I will feel even bad for her. But she should move on. That's the only way. After all he's not the type of guy she needs.

He's not that good after all but she needed him.

Girl, if he left you once he could left you twice.

Give it up.

So I heard that they're gonna make a sequels for Percy Jackson. Heard this news for quite some time already. Couldn't find any auditions, nothing. I don't have an agent or anything else. Couldn't contact, Google doesn't seem to offer a good answer. Hmm..

Feeling disappointed about it, because I heard they already have their cast. I was really thinking about the role Thalia. But they have not confirm about it, so I guess I still do have a chance. I ain't giving up on it! :)

I just really hope someone or something will just show up and give me an answer. I know I should be searching for them, I mean who would know who am I, but I really can't find a thing! Plus, the location I am now, hard. I just really am desperate for it. I love this novel and really do want to be part of it.

I'll just trust in the Lord. Have faith and believe. :)

Rachel.

Okay, just gonna type whatever comes to mind.

I love Norah Jones. She's so awesome! I love her voice. Ahh.. Her song are just.Ahh.. Haha..

Discovered a new band. Name: Angus and Julia stone. Beautiful. Why don't I know anyone with voice like that? The girl's voice is unique too. :) You guys have to so check them out! XD

Sad thing I can only listen to them on the computer.

My wish list. I want an Ipod touch!!

I lost my mood o type my blog post. But since I'm half way here why not right?

Mid year exams. zzz.. The problem with me. I guess I don't always use my brain that much to the fact that I"m studying and sleeping really late at night makes me very exhausted.

I really can't wait for the holidays to come. But it seems so far away! :(

It's been awhile since I wrote about heart breaks and all those bull shyt haha.. Well, I don't think I'll be writing stuff like this soon. My life has been really dull. I'm painting colors into it so I guess my future would be a lot interesting haha..

Acting. When will be the day? I'm so excited.

I wanna learn the piano.

I wanna learn parkour.

I wanna learn skateboarding.

I wanna learn...........................................

So many things. Yet I'm not interested on my studies :D (hmm.. I shouldn't be proud of that) Ha.

I'll be honest with you the next time.

I wanna meet Logan Lerman.

I wanna buy another converse shoe.

Maybe I should check out Vans. They're beautiful.

I wanna cut my hair and feel that excitement.

Kings of leons. Caleb followill voice is so sexay. haha..

Facebook. What was I doing when it didn't exist? I don't remember.

I love drawing on my hand. It gets addicted. At first I wrote on it because I'm forgetful. It's my paper. My to do list since my hand phone is so 'high tech' it doesn't have stuff like that. But I'm afraid to get skin cancer :/ haha..

I'm thinking of supper. Hmm...

Hillsong is nice too. Awesome music.

I love Jesus XD

Hmm.. So logan's twitter is real. I wish he would update more often X( haha..

Malay test up next! Grrrr....

I have to start exercising.

Okay, gotta stop Shan is calling me to watch the gates. tehee..

You guys take care alright? <3 xoxo