I'm tired.

I'm tired of being lock up.
I'm tired of being locked up in that same room for hours.
I'm tired of trying to be so nice to people.
I'm tired of holding back my anger.
I'm tired of forgiving people so easily.
I'm tired of  trying to be good.
I'm tired of being so obedient.
I'm tried of staring at the same old teachers.
I'm tired of doing the same old routine.
I'm tired of feeling like a prisoner.
I'm tired of being so limited by so many things.
I'm tired of being seen as a problem child.
I'm tired of getting that weird looks from people.
I'm tired of people thinking I'm crazy all the time.
I'm tired of trying to be happy.
I'm tired of hiding my weak side.
I'm tired of holding back all my tears.
I'm tired of hiding all my fears.
I'm tired of being so merciless.
I'm tired of being so hard.
I'm tired of being last.
I'm tired of getting meaningless marks.

I'm tired of your faces.
I'm tired of listening to your voice.
I'm tired of sensing your despair.
I'm tired of how proud you are over her.
I'm tired of everything you do.
I'm tired of you looking me down.
I'm tired of you taking your words back.

I'm tired of concealing how I feel inside.
I'm tired of my fake smile.


But that's just how I am.
and it's killing me. 

5:32 AM 0 PERMALINK

He loves us.

I kept finding reason.
I kept searching what's missing.
I kept thinking why is my life so dull.
I kept wondering what's happening to me.
I kept thinking why do I feel so empty inside.
I kept finding answers.

In the end it was always there,
I just never pay attention to it.
That small little hint He gave.
The way I just avoided it so easily.

Tonight, I just decided to listen to it.

I never felt better.
It was great to feel that peace again.
That emptiness filled with love.
Love that can't never be replace.
A love which not even words can describe.

I was down.
I am happy now.

We all need Him in the end.
All the things we have now are just temporarily.

Too buried by other things.
Felt that guilt in my heart.
Like a slap across my face. 

We all need him.
We all need Jesus.

You can laugh and rise your eyebrows,
But if you just take that step to call out His name.
Focus on Him.
Don't have any doubts but believe in Him.
You will feel the difference.

He's always there,
He loves us.
He loves you.

He's real,
Always.

9:11 AM 0 PERMALINK

Mean

I didn't like her.
Yes, i was childish.

I didn't like her because of personal reason,
and because of that I started to look at the negative side of her.
But I think of what I thought it seems all wrong. 

When I see her I gave her a smile,
which made me feel like a bitch.

Sometimes I feel like grabbing her hair and whack her face on the wall.
and there was me being all mean again.
I don't want to be that type of girls.
I didn't want to be a bitch who thinks and acts like one.

But I didn't want to be a fake smiling at her.
But if I don't smile it isn't nice too.

So I thought maybe I should just be nice to her and not hate her, everyone has their weakness and I shouldn't hate her at the start. I'm just being plain mean. Change. First time hating people, feels weird. 

I guess we'll experience all types of things in life. 
after all I'm only sixteen!

8:01 AM 0 PERMALINK

Official.

Officially sixteen. 

Sixteen. 

I'm not really matured yet.

My thinking. 

I don't know what I'm doing.

So much in mind but can't seem to do it.

Don't know what's holding me back,
I just didn't.

Not proud of my age for I have not achieved much.

I laugh everyday, 

laughing seems to take away most of my time.

Laughing over something you can't remember,

and it's a new day.

It's September now.
I'm not ready for many things.

Kept thinking about my dreams, my future and I've forgotten my present. 

I'm so worried.

But I found things to motivate me,
this time seems real.

I guess it's a good thing.

New start.

I said it probably 101 times.

This time it's official.


7:50 AM 0 PERMALINK