Done. It is done. I've done it. Not sure why. But I just felt like it. What have the world become? I wonder. And all you could say is nothing what. But It's a relieved. I feel.. nah I can't say I feel good. I feel rather.. Empty? I want to change it-everything. I want to go back to how it was. When i didn't know you that well. I should have continue to avoid you but I choose not to. Now this is what that have become. You knew about it all along. We both played dumb. Like I didn't know that you know. So did you. I told myself to stay away cause if I don't , I know what will happen next. But I hold on a hope. You were good to me. Why did you? Is it cause of that same statement? About hurt? Ya this is worst. I'm not blaming you I just want to know why. Or did I got it right? It gave me hope. I thought you should avoid me to make sure things won't be.. Ya you know. But you're always thinking about what if it hurts me. Now for sure. But before that I'm sure it wouldn't be that bad. And I know I wouldn't look for you. I'm sure there will be a full stop there. But it's done. It's too late to say anything else....

Really funny. ha. ha. ha. What's so funny? Um.. I don't really know actually. Things just really wouldn't stop. How many times I almost have a heart attack. Wonder how's my blood pressure. My life just got a little more exciting. Interesting. In Chinese they call it 刺激. Good to bad. Bad to good. To normal. Sometimes we just let things pass us by. And regret after that. But it's done. You can't turn back by flipping to that chapter of your life. Thats a pity. Really. If I could I probably flipped it a thousand times. And of course to the good parts too. Like rewinding an old tape. But thats just my imaginations..

Ha I get it now. Thank God I didn't. Thank God I waited. Now I get it. It happen again. But in a different way. But something like that. Stupid. All this. It was just the guiltiness. That's why. Just didn't want to feel bad. But you know what you still owe me. Smile. Haha. Um.. Ya you really do. Pretty cool though this few days. =D. But ya i don't think so. I don't think it's that way. But at least I was happy. =) =) Should I ask you? No. Maybe. Let's just stop here yae? Leave it the way it is. Or maybe not.

I thought I wouldn't. I thought I was just thinking too much. Way too much. But as time pass, I know the answers. But I never wanted to accept it. Or maybe I just can't believe it. Things was just too fast. I didn't like the fact that I was like this-gross. To me it is. It's not me. But it's like i had so much in my mind. Insane I thought. But every time it would pass my mind. But I just focus on the other. I guess I was just thinking to much. Probably was the hairstyle that reminded me of something. And the "kindness". I didn't know. I didn't feel reluctant too. In fact I wanted too. And I did. I remembered the joy the awkward and the shyness. At that time i didn't really cared. What I cared was I wasn't please about what that happen. I end up holding this hope every time. I waited. It happen. But it end so fast.

Once it was gone. I didn't cared. I just feels weird never had that type of feeling before. I laugh to myself bout it. It was. Stupid. Whatever. Not long. It came. I didn't expect it at all. Never did. But I took it casually. Normal. There it goes again. Holding that hope again. I kinda like that whole feeling. Waiting for something. At least there's something for me to wait on. I guess what attracted me was the little common things. Things was slow and fast. I don't know which. It was both. I realize something. And I didn't tell cause I was embarrass to tell. It was a secret only me and God knew. Well it was only me. But well you can't hide things from God for sure.

Something happen. I never thought it would. It just came. I just laugh over it. Then I thought to myself. Faker. But I just lied. That laugh covered everything. So there was it. It was cleared removed. After that another thing came by. It make me go I knew it. Oh no. Why. Great I shall keep silent. Time pass by and I realize it's time. I spit it out. No way. I never thought it would be true. Yeah I know don't ask me why I thought to myself. But things got a little weird when someone else knew about it. I started to think a lot. A lot. I used my brain more than before. For unnecessary things. But I guess that's what keeps me alert. Not asleep. It also show how funny we can be sometimes.

As time pass I only stick to one. I trusted more. I guess cause to relationship was longer. But still trusted the other one though. I guess secrets is what keeps people closer. Things was still the same. There were up and downs. Confuse times. Elated times. Sad times. I was always holding back. Okay fine. I was avoiding. But I wasn't the only one.

I've stop that already. But I still waited. It's a rule I gave myself. I won't be the first. It's been quite long already. And I've learn. To go with the flow. That's what nic says. So I followed. Wow. Things turn out good. I guess you also have to not expect things too. So when it goes bad. YOu'er not so dissapointed. When it goes well. You will not only feel good but great.

Went to regina house to stay for 3 whole days! Fun and fun. What can i say? haha~ Well the main point was for the bbq and i wanted to spent time with her too~ Well we were really insanely crazy. Couldn't stop laughing. The boys were crazy too haha. Anyway um.. i had lots of fun. There were up and downs too. But in the end it was still good. It was a success. We didn't have our BBQ though cause it was raining.

I realize we have to not expect things sometimes and just go with the flow things will turn out beautifully. I'm glad.

Heard some news yesterday wasn't happy with it-at all. Really just the thought of it just makes me go.. Argh.. It wasn't me okay? It wasn't. Really it wasn't argh..

Regin it's okay yae? tehhee.. can't believe we had a long "nap" haha... Was happy to chat with you yesterday i had fun. Seeyasoon again=)