it consume your thoughts.
it consume your heart.

its delusional.
its like a poison that haunts you.
deceive you,
like a beautiful rose covered with thorns.

You wouldnt know until it eats you.
By time you realize its already too late.

It touch you physically,
kills you emotionally.
That electrifying feeling that goes down your spine.
That makes you goes into tears.

Holding back wondering whats going on.

Its the risk you want to take,
its killing you softly but you dont want to let go.
In fact it's like a drug that makes you want more.

Grabbing it not wanting to let it go,
because it's something that makes you feel whole.

It's one of those things you cant calculate,
you wouldnt understand,
no one can phantom that feeling in you.

It's everything you wish you never come across,
you wish you didnt had it.

But it consumed you,
it owned you without a permission.
Placing a part in your heart,
the pain makes you know you're alive.
the joy makes you realize you could be happy.
the trouble makes you feel the adrenaline.
the chaos makes you conscious that you want to win this fight.

They say you will never understand until you got it.

Is this a blessing or a curse?
Is this just a road im passing by?
or this could be something new.

The fear of stepping into something new.
The fear of not knowing what could happen.

It makes you scared,
it makes you doubt everything.

This danger you're willing to cross doesnt give you the guarantee.
Even if it does it doesnt seems convincing.

Trust.
Comes to the picture.
Trust.
how much can you trust?
Trust.
How true could it be?
Trust.
The step of faith yet trouble.

Pain.
it doesnt go numb.
Pain.
how much your willing take.

You consume it all,
you thought so,
but the truth is it consumed you.

And you took the bait and feel like it doesnt matter if this go wrong.
because it's everything you want though,
you wish never had it in the first place.

I just want to be happy.
I just want to wake up and feel good.
I just want to be appreciated.
I just want to be hugged.
I just want to be love.
I just want to be comforted.

It's that too much to ask for?
It's that too much to be crave for?
It's that too much to have?

Sometimes it's not about being understood,
sometimes it's just about being loved.

Always trying to fulfil people's need and help.
Yet no one is there to help you when you need it.
No one cared.
They only remember your existence when they need you.

Does that make me a failure as a living being or did they fail to understand the definition of friends.

Yeah, I can go on by.
Everyone could.
The only thing is whether it's a good one or a bad one.

Why cant I cross by a living being that would actually be blinded and think I'm actually worth having.
When can I ever be cleared by my blinded vision.
What can make someone actually realize my needs.

How can I stop being a selfish bitch that cares too much of her own emotion.

Everything just came in place.
Everything seems so close.
Everything should have been.

But it couldnt,
that obstacle didnt stop you.
But it did for me.

I could have,
I should have.

But it wasn't right.
I didnt want to make it happen this way.

I cant seem to go with that.
Stealing someone's happiness for my own just doesn't seem right.
Will that even become a real bliss?
I doubt so.

I didnt want to be a stealer,
I didnt want to be a flirt,
I didnt want to be a loser.

But,
I felt my happiness is being stolen when i'm being apart,
I felt my wisdom is killing me from what I need,
I felt my possession losing away from me.

Whats right and whats wrong when a little bit wrong can get a little right.

Everything was suppose to be right yet I see so many mistake filling up my mind.

I knew where this was going but I didnt want to stop.
I knew where this would lead but I wanted more.

Staying away will never a\happen.
Getting hurt isn't an option.

I tried not to fall.
I told myself this is the last call.

I havent blog since forever.

Ive been busy tryna get my life right which is obviously I have no idea what's been going on.

I didnt have the thought of blogging about anything.

You know that feeling that you need to pour out all your feelings and excitement or frustrations.

The good thing that you just need to share it out and the bad things that you need to pour it all out.

My mind is so occupied now.
Mostly about my assignments and that smile I received lately.
So stupid,
so silly.
I cant believe I wasnt over it.

I dont want to call it coincident anymore.
It was all intended.
My life everything that happen all has it's reason.
And yesterday was one of it that I couldn't get it out
It's tragic that it's gonna be the only scene I have to take it back with me.
I guess the best things in life is when you least expected it.

I didnt plan for it to happen.
But I guess it was just meant to be.
everything came in the right time.
Now I will just wait patiently for a moment for me to add new memories.

Tree has blossom.

Things has changed.

Being apart never been the same.

No one can replace the people ive love and met.

Some just seems to not have the right frequency.

Just not your clique.

Life just got dull.

Nothing is the same without them.

Nothing has been great, emotionally.


But i guess things had to be gone to appreciate

To love.

To remember.

To smile.

Sometimes i believe your worst times are the best times.


Giving a hug or just a smile can change someone's day.

But not many people are willing to give.

Being afraid of not getting anything in return.

Not many people realise

giving someone joy can actually make you joyful too.


Hope is what I wait for

Hope is what I hold on to

Hope is what I dream for.


People may laugh

May joke.

But I know it will happen.


I will patiently wait for it.

wait for my joy while I pass on.