Could it be possible to have a connection with someone you never talked before but just know their existence?

The world is a mysterious place filled with various type of people.
We all have heart beats but there are people whose heart beats the same.

Is there a possibility for people to feel another party even when they never met before?
If it's possible I wonder what would happen when those two look at each other in the eye, hold each other hands & share a kiss.
would it be magical?
An electrifying feeling.
I never gave my first kiss away yet but imagine maybe :
flowers would blossom,
leafs will grow greener,
the children smile becomes boarder,
seniors will forget their aches,
business man will throw their files in the air.
At that moment the world will turn slowly,
everything becomes blurry,
life would be so beautiful.

God created few soul mates for us in our life but it's our choice to choose our sole mates,
Imagine if there was two people who choose each other and spend their live together till death to them part.
Oh so lovely,
so wonderful,
so sweet.

Life can be wonderful.
It's just how you choose the right perspective of it.
It's our choice to choose.
But sometimes we blame God on our mistake.
I do think we should think it over,
He has warn us while we ignore and followed our feelings.

It's tragic,
but we humans aren't perfect and will never be on this earth.
But it takes those mistake for us to grow and to understand that fact.
Life is about growing and learning.
活到老学到老
the chinese idioms which tell us everyday we get older and everyday we learn something.

In this hopelessness,
I laugh at my enjoyable yet useless days,
where I sleep late every night thinking, hoping and imagine things that i pray and know will yet to come.
& be awaken by my sweet lovely mother's touch and voice.
Sometimes it's loud and firm that's my paps.
I cant stand him yet there's this adorable thing about him maybe he's just getting old.
But they are so sweet.
They are the reason I always lose my doubts about love not being exist.

Everyday I eat my first meal and relax till the next meal comes,
sit in front of my comp and play the guitar till my finger hurts.
Until I lose song titles I can think of,
lazing around with my sister talking about our dreams and plans that are coming soon,
waiting for a job reply,
hesitating to get a driving license,
editing my last year Melbourne trip photos,
always thinking of exercising but never doing it.

I often laugh at my poor results i have in high school,
laughing about me dropping out and waiting for my another result to apply college.
Thinking of my California dream,
a beautiful arty studio near a nice beach,
where i can surf,
walk around getting inspiration,
traveling to look for my sister,
bringing my macbook to do my clients wishes,
i probably need a dog to fill my loneliness,
bury myself with the shoes i will get and cry myself to sleep.

Or would I meet my soul mateS or just my SOLE mate?
that.
I cant be sure.

All im trying to say no matter how you think your life is,
i hope you see the positive side of it,
when you're tired imagine of the things that makes you smile,
when you cant sleep listen to songs that can calm you & tell yourself ahh rest & sleep I did well today tomorrow I will do better, good night self.
think of what i just said,
I'm sure you can do alright or better.

Put on that smile,
and I - this stranger will always
be proud of you.

peace out.

When I want something I pray for it until I get it.
I always tell myself have faith like child.
Pure heart.
Innocent believe.
Not corrupted by reality.
But,
Always have a confident like a rebel teen who DGAF about what people comment about your dream, your goals.
Pray hard, achieve, do what you need to do in order to have it.

People say Im so bless.
But why am I still living with a trouble heart?
So tired of proving.
With that I just do what I need to do.

Sometimes I do think I did great.
I would go, Hey look at me I'm pretty awesome.
But there are people in your life that mean so much too you that whatever they say is important to you.
It's hard to go yeah whatever shut up.
It's that bond, blood related that hold you back to learn to respect, love and concern.
What they say would make you take note to.
But,
Taking that note is like always taking a knife not stabbing but cutting my heart slowly.
Hurt so much that you're lost for words.
I reach a point of accepting that this is what I'm gonna get all the time.
Though I wonder & ask myself wont there be a day when they would praise you sincerely.
There's always a taste of sarcastic into it.
That make me hard to believe a good sentence.
It's not that I'm always doubtful with everything,
when I cant feel it,
it's definitely not true.

I always think it's time to express and say whats on my mind to let them know hey im grown up my thinking & interest change along with my face, height and weight.
But it's like hard for them to accept than to support.

Because of that I learn to do things on my own,
achieve on my own,
but yeah I cant live on my own yet,
I guess the fear they have was once i leave
I wouldnt miss, I wouldnt come back.
Grabbing my hands hard giving me what I want to hold me down.

Why,
why you never ever say words of encouragement or show appreciation?
I'm sorry I didnt give enough love or nicer stuff to say.
I just think it's always better to say the truth I don't feel it so dont say it.
It's like lying getting your way for love.

Love.
One word that place everyone heart to either beat faster, sink, squeeze or soothe.
It's a magic word.
But for me it make my mind go blank & quiet.

It's not that I'm cold, its just...
What I am is what the environment made me.
Since young I was a kid with less words but lots in mind.
I'm a observer analyzer logical thinker who puts emotion aside because emotion is like a alcohol that makes you loose your senses.
Avoiding will make you know
whats true & false,
what's real & what's fake.

I guess it's time I not only pray for things I wanna achieve but also pray for joy in my heart.
I guess as long God accepts me that's more than enough for me.

I couldn't say what I want.
I'm known to be rude.
I only make you mad.
I cant be good.
I become a rotten kid.
I wasn't that perfect girl you saw anymore.

That's what you see in me.

You're worried.
You're disappointed.

I kept trying to defend myself but saying it out loud just doesn't seem right.
It's like defending would be "rude" again.
I just had to stay silent.

I was not listening properly.
I was not paying attention.

I just say what I think and did not mean to hurt anyone.
I'm sorry about my face,
face problem. (laughs) i miss you guys.
Anyway,
I'll try to talk with a smile.
I'm sorry im just replying your questions and Im sorry about my look.
I'm sorry this is my face.

Sometimes I just choose to not say anything anymore,
I'm tired of it.
Whenever I say something you guys just go
'why are you so rude?'
And im like woah what. I really didnt mean to be rude, i feel so sad.
but what can i do? whenever i defend boom. I'm still wrong.
What am i suppose to do?

I feel like so under controlled right now.
I rather not speak.
I rather not be where you are.

And she had to say things to make me  like a bad guy.
I can't.
I dont understand.
I.

I'm sorry.
I just it doesn't matter if im innocence I will just apologize.

I'm sorry I can't express how I feel to you guys.
What i want. What I think.
Whenever I say it.
I'm wrong. I'm a rebel. I'm..
I don't know what to say.

I kept telling myself if  I dont say what i like , whats my interest, what I like.
How would you guys know?
And all those wrong thoughts and thinking about me.
I cant be going uh no thats not true.
I dont know.
I just hope things will work out.

Because I'm tired of breaking down.
And all I could do is ask God what i did
what did say
was i really wrong
crying like a kid.

Looking at that girl in the mirror,
tears rolling down.
red face.
just looking at her.
I ask her
Are you rude
What did you do this time
you changed?
she wipe her tears off her face
and told me,
no i didnt.
I just talk more now.
I'm still me.

I felt bad for her.
I felt bad for me.

For being so timid.
For not speaking out.
For not saying how I feel.
For not expressing my interest.
For not being honest.

I wanna give that girl in mirror a hug,
tell her tomorrow will be better.
but i couldn't hug her.
She just look at me and cry.
She needed care.
She envy the loved.
But.
Shes too ego to admit she needs it.
She choose to think and say she can do it on her own.
She say trust no man.
She thinks it's all bullshyt.
She's just afraid that they would be scared of her.
She likes to think
'it wouldnt last so dont start it.'
Now she has nothing but empty memories that was kept for years.

She knows she has to pick herself up and believe that good man arent extinct.
She had to get up and start drawing and designing again.
Earn some ching ching and wear that bling bling.
Shine bright inside out.
You want something you have to work hard for it.
Dont be that pathetic girl.
You're more than that.
What you lose was not a mistake.
You deserve better.
You always say that remember?
"why arent you in a relationship till now?' 'Because I haven't met anyone that deserve me.'
Remember that kid? yeah She's still in there.
It's okay if they think you're rude someone out there will know you're not and just keep doin ya thing'.

I'll just keep doing what I should do and I know I can do well.
I'm gonna get my foundation after I get my result.
I'll work hard and stand out I wont be that kid sitting at that last number anymore.
Ive been drawing since I dont remember when.
I'll do well.

God has been really nice to me.
I really thank God for that.
First miracle for me this year was,

Last year 2012 when i was in mel,
sounds silly but I prayed like a kid every night,
"Jesus, I wanna meet KwonJiYong aka Gdragon in 2013. I know i will because you say asked and it shall be giving to you. I have asked and I have received it.  And I know it will happen."
I kept saying it.
In 2013 Jan 15 Tuesday.
I saw Gd.
I made a trip up to kl to see him.
I saw him I passed my card and gift to him.
I stood beside him it was so near.
 Sounds silly right?
But God is this powerful.
You believe declare and it shall be done.
faith.
All you need is faith.

It can be other things in life.

HE's there just call out to him.
He's waiting for you (;

peace out.

I'm a hard to read,
hard to understand.

I understand that this is the fact because the look on people's face when they don't get what's wrong with me.
I try to hide my feelings often, I just don't see the need of showing.
I'm not comfortable showing or expressing how I feel.
I just haven't met anyone that I'm willing to let it all out and show the true me and still feel secure.
That's why I'm the only one who knows that I'm suffering.
I'm not trying to say how strong I am.
I'm not strong,
in fact this is more like a weakness I have.

I just don't like being comfort or sympathize with.
I just don't like when people look at me and go, hey it's alright.
It's like thanks but no thanks. I'm fine and I can deal with it myself.

It's funny how you can actually control your feelings.
One second you're in tears,
and when you decided it's time to stop being stupid,
your tears could just stop.
Breathe in and out hard enough and you're back.

Smile and go crazy.

I guess it's just my way of letting it go and forget about everything little shyty stuff that's bothering you at that moment.

You're with your friends must as well be happy and leave your sadness later alone.

I'm still hard to read but it's not like I'll keep this distance and be rude to you.
I'll be nice and I'm only nice to people that I want to, sincerely.
I hate fakers and I don't want to be one.
There's many people out there who knows me and know who I am.
Yes, I do find that extremely weird because the fact I live in my own world not giving a care to what people say or think about me, and I pretty not care about other people lives who are not affected to me because I don't see the need of it.
But well, you see there's a different between knowing me and know about me.
It's always easy to get through the first one, the second one you probably need a life time.
I'm pretty much not consistent.
For awhile you might get me right and next you're wrong about it.

So,
don't get mad when you can't understand.

But on the other hand I could understand people really fast.
And know how they feel and think.
I think it's great because I love helping people out and solving their problem when they need someone to.
It's a really nice feeling when they come up to you and tell you their problem,
I don't think it's annoying in fact I enjoy it.
Helping people and letting them smile again with what you say is just a great feeling, it makes me glad too.
And it's like they trust you.
And I would keep their stuff to myself because I don't wanna break that trust we have.
It's funny how they come up to me to all type of situations especially relationship problems.
I salute them because they trust me on that even though I've never been in one.
But their response is thanks why didn't I thought of that, the fact how appreciative they are makes me satisfied. 

I really appreciate those around me and love to hang around with me.
It's weird why they never left.
It's funny how they could miss me.
I know you can miss someone.
But me?
Lol.
It's cute that they sometimes can't understand me yet they try to be understanding and go, that's her. it's alright.
But it's cool that they leave me alone and let me deal with my own feelings and let me fight with myself.
It's like they know I can deal with it and I'll be back to that version of me that they are familiar with soon.

It's hard to find people like this.

I'm grateful for them.

I thank the Lord for what I have and gonna have,
always. 

I couldn't quite explain or understand how I'm actually feeling right now.

The sense of fading always makes me sad but proud of myself.
It shows that it could actually happen.
It makes me know that you're nothing to me.
But deep down hating of admitting the truth about how I feel.
Still longing and wanting every part of the past I had.
Everything that I had.

Waking up in the morning ready to face the day,
Perspective of life never seem so purposeful.
It's like there's a reason to go on and love life and myself.

That joy and smile that would be there without you knowing when you're in deep thought of that special someone.
Then feeling all silly about your behavior but it's just something you can't stop yourself from doing.

When,
His smile reflects yours.
His breathing began matching yours.
He becomes a magnet that you couldn't help to draw near too.
He makes you feel like a kid again.
His scent becomes your own personal fragrant of life.
His weak point becomes something you could laugh at when you're down.

Thinking about the things he did.

You know you fell deep,
and you don't seem to care because this is everything that makes you feel complete.

He was in another world dreaming.
Holding a box in his hands,
with a ribbon on top.
A present for that person that means something to him.
To anyone it's no big deal.
Yeah, it sure isnt,
it doesn't mean a big deal to her too.
That's just what she thinks on the outside.

She had no idea this day would come.
She didn't expect any of this.
All she thought was that it could be her or no one.
She miss how it felt.
But it's not there anymore.

She decided to leave.
He was a stranger to her,
she doesn't even cares if he's there or not.
But it was just all a act.
In the end, she lost.
She lost.

She thought that maybe she isnt serious about everything,
but when she felt that pain in her heart,
as tears roll down her cheek,
she knew she really cares,
what she did not know was that it would hurt that badly.

Now she's just used to everything.
Everything that happened.
But now she knows she's nothing to him.
Absolutely nothing.

But.























this is not end of life for her.