When I want something I pray for it until I get it.
I always tell myself have faith like child.
Pure heart.
Innocent believe.
Not corrupted by reality.
But,
Always have a confident like a rebel teen who DGAF about what people comment about your dream, your goals.
Pray hard, achieve, do what you need to do in order to have it.

People say Im so bless.
But why am I still living with a trouble heart?
So tired of proving.
With that I just do what I need to do.

Sometimes I do think I did great.
I would go, Hey look at me I'm pretty awesome.
But there are people in your life that mean so much too you that whatever they say is important to you.
It's hard to go yeah whatever shut up.
It's that bond, blood related that hold you back to learn to respect, love and concern.
What they say would make you take note to.
But,
Taking that note is like always taking a knife not stabbing but cutting my heart slowly.
Hurt so much that you're lost for words.
I reach a point of accepting that this is what I'm gonna get all the time.
Though I wonder & ask myself wont there be a day when they would praise you sincerely.
There's always a taste of sarcastic into it.
That make me hard to believe a good sentence.
It's not that I'm always doubtful with everything,
when I cant feel it,
it's definitely not true.

I always think it's time to express and say whats on my mind to let them know hey im grown up my thinking & interest change along with my face, height and weight.
But it's like hard for them to accept than to support.

Because of that I learn to do things on my own,
achieve on my own,
but yeah I cant live on my own yet,
I guess the fear they have was once i leave
I wouldnt miss, I wouldnt come back.
Grabbing my hands hard giving me what I want to hold me down.

Why,
why you never ever say words of encouragement or show appreciation?
I'm sorry I didnt give enough love or nicer stuff to say.
I just think it's always better to say the truth I don't feel it so dont say it.
It's like lying getting your way for love.

Love.
One word that place everyone heart to either beat faster, sink, squeeze or soothe.
It's a magic word.
But for me it make my mind go blank & quiet.

It's not that I'm cold, its just...
What I am is what the environment made me.
Since young I was a kid with less words but lots in mind.
I'm a observer analyzer logical thinker who puts emotion aside because emotion is like a alcohol that makes you loose your senses.
Avoiding will make you know
whats true & false,
what's real & what's fake.

I guess it's time I not only pray for things I wanna achieve but also pray for joy in my heart.
I guess as long God accepts me that's more than enough for me.