I'm a hard to read,
hard to understand.

I understand that this is the fact because the look on people's face when they don't get what's wrong with me.
I try to hide my feelings often, I just don't see the need of showing.
I'm not comfortable showing or expressing how I feel.
I just haven't met anyone that I'm willing to let it all out and show the true me and still feel secure.
That's why I'm the only one who knows that I'm suffering.
I'm not trying to say how strong I am.
I'm not strong,
in fact this is more like a weakness I have.

I just don't like being comfort or sympathize with.
I just don't like when people look at me and go, hey it's alright.
It's like thanks but no thanks. I'm fine and I can deal with it myself.

It's funny how you can actually control your feelings.
One second you're in tears,
and when you decided it's time to stop being stupid,
your tears could just stop.
Breathe in and out hard enough and you're back.

Smile and go crazy.

I guess it's just my way of letting it go and forget about everything little shyty stuff that's bothering you at that moment.

You're with your friends must as well be happy and leave your sadness later alone.

I'm still hard to read but it's not like I'll keep this distance and be rude to you.
I'll be nice and I'm only nice to people that I want to, sincerely.
I hate fakers and I don't want to be one.
There's many people out there who knows me and know who I am.
Yes, I do find that extremely weird because the fact I live in my own world not giving a care to what people say or think about me, and I pretty not care about other people lives who are not affected to me because I don't see the need of it.
But well, you see there's a different between knowing me and know about me.
It's always easy to get through the first one, the second one you probably need a life time.
I'm pretty much not consistent.
For awhile you might get me right and next you're wrong about it.

So,
don't get mad when you can't understand.

But on the other hand I could understand people really fast.
And know how they feel and think.
I think it's great because I love helping people out and solving their problem when they need someone to.
It's a really nice feeling when they come up to you and tell you their problem,
I don't think it's annoying in fact I enjoy it.
Helping people and letting them smile again with what you say is just a great feeling, it makes me glad too.
And it's like they trust you.
And I would keep their stuff to myself because I don't wanna break that trust we have.
It's funny how they come up to me to all type of situations especially relationship problems.
I salute them because they trust me on that even though I've never been in one.
But their response is thanks why didn't I thought of that, the fact how appreciative they are makes me satisfied. 

I really appreciate those around me and love to hang around with me.
It's weird why they never left.
It's funny how they could miss me.
I know you can miss someone.
But me?
Lol.
It's cute that they sometimes can't understand me yet they try to be understanding and go, that's her. it's alright.
But it's cool that they leave me alone and let me deal with my own feelings and let me fight with myself.
It's like they know I can deal with it and I'll be back to that version of me that they are familiar with soon.

It's hard to find people like this.

I'm grateful for them.

I thank the Lord for what I have and gonna have,
always. 

I couldn't quite explain or understand how I'm actually feeling right now.

The sense of fading always makes me sad but proud of myself.
It shows that it could actually happen.
It makes me know that you're nothing to me.
But deep down hating of admitting the truth about how I feel.
Still longing and wanting every part of the past I had.
Everything that I had.

Waking up in the morning ready to face the day,
Perspective of life never seem so purposeful.
It's like there's a reason to go on and love life and myself.

That joy and smile that would be there without you knowing when you're in deep thought of that special someone.
Then feeling all silly about your behavior but it's just something you can't stop yourself from doing.

When,
His smile reflects yours.
His breathing began matching yours.
He becomes a magnet that you couldn't help to draw near too.
He makes you feel like a kid again.
His scent becomes your own personal fragrant of life.
His weak point becomes something you could laugh at when you're down.

Thinking about the things he did.

You know you fell deep,
and you don't seem to care because this is everything that makes you feel complete.

He was in another world dreaming.
Holding a box in his hands,
with a ribbon on top.
A present for that person that means something to him.
To anyone it's no big deal.
Yeah, it sure isnt,
it doesn't mean a big deal to her too.
That's just what she thinks on the outside.

She had no idea this day would come.
She didn't expect any of this.
All she thought was that it could be her or no one.
She miss how it felt.
But it's not there anymore.

She decided to leave.
He was a stranger to her,
she doesn't even cares if he's there or not.
But it was just all a act.
In the end, she lost.
She lost.

She thought that maybe she isnt serious about everything,
but when she felt that pain in her heart,
as tears roll down her cheek,
she knew she really cares,
what she did not know was that it would hurt that badly.

Now she's just used to everything.
Everything that happened.
But now she knows she's nothing to him.
Absolutely nothing.

But.























this is not end of life for her.

We cant get our mind to rest.
All you do is think and think and drive yourself crazy.
Then you think that everything was just a waste of time.
You left the room before you close the door you saw the last of it, what remain.
Everything starts flowing through your mind and heart,
all the past played like a movie.
And you got back in.
When will I leave that farking room?
Waiting for answers so many questions left unanswered,
Finally,
the day has come when everything was answered, placed right in front of you.
Now you're a joke.
Everything was a joke.

Good bye.

They say we all have secrets,
those that we can share to the one we trust,
and those that we keep to ourselves.
Sometimes we tend to tell everything to the one we trust.
But I guess it's not something we should do all the time.
It shows how we really are,
reviling your secret is like peeling your shell away bit by bit,
until you're like completely naked.

Standing there feeling insecure,
unsure about what they think of you.
What lies beneath their mind.
We can trust people but maybe we should always keep a distance.

Secrets are like this layer and layer of protection.
Keeping us safe and warm.
Keeping things to yourself can be nice.
Holding it in, a secret where no one in this world knows except you.
Only God knows.

Not everyone can keep a secret.
Some choose to tell how they feel and think.
They can't hold it together,
but there's nothing wrong with that.

For me,
I like to keep things.
It makes me better and happier that way.
Smiling to myself and get ready for a brand new day.

Some say I'm weird.
But it's okay it's better to be weird than normal.
Normal is kinda boring, no?

I'll leave that for you to answer.