Feeling satisfied when you achieved something you could never do.

It makes me feel like I could actually be good.

I could actually make them proud.

I feel good.

I felt awesome at that moment.

But it never last.

It always didnt.

Im farked up again.

Im my old self again.

That person that everyone knew she would fail.

That person that everyone know she wont make it.

That person that everyone thinks that shes just an empty shell.

I farked up.

Why?

Why cant I change permernently.

Why isnt it consistant?

Why isnt it the way I thought it would be?

Why cant I get what I want.

Why do I always feel confident and realize thats not how people thought of me.

So many question left unanswered. Theres one in particular, why am I in form 5?

I dont deserve this I should retain.

I should be in form 4 with the retainers because I deserve it.

I know no shyt.

Its so unfair to the rest that didnt make it.

People get shocked to realize ive made it to form 5.

Im shocked myself.

I thank God im here, but I really dont deserved any of this.

I fail in my studies

I fail in being consistant.

I fail keeping up with my schedule.

I fail in love.

I fail to be a good daughter.

I fail in being a sister that doesnt hear my sister talk.

I fail to be gentle to my friends, im too straightforward.

I fail to talk to harry, I freak out whenever I see him.

I fail for not being able to complete my to do list.

I fail to have a tone body and my dead line is so near.

Today regina ask me what should we buy? All Of our friends are planning to get something.

I replied, I wanna buy time.

Im so desperate to find more time.

I dont wanna rob the bank.

I wanna rob time.

I need time.

But I need rest but if I rest I have no more time.

Sleeping eats my time but if I dont sleep im a zombie living in this earth.

May the Lord be with me.