Read the old post written by me. Gosh, it's kinda embarrassing. It's funny how I've change. I decided to delete it but then again it's good to leave it and see I've change and grown up. A reminder that I'm alive and growing. New situations that happened to me. It's rather funny and interesting. This is so weird. Saying your own blog interesting. Well, changed. But not grown up yet?? Not enough? Sigh.. It still rings in my ears about you telling me to grow up..

It hurts. I'll admit it hurts. It did change how I think and act around you. Things just got weirder.. Sometimes hearing your voice makes me want to blast my earphones real loud.

But when I think about the future when I'm leaving you, thinking about how hurt you are yet you still put on a straight face holding all of us together, planning everything.. It just hurts to see you like that. It makes me even worse when I see you becoming like this. I don't know...

I'm trying my best to make you guys glad. to let you guys know that I did make you guys feel like after all the pain it was worth it. I do love you and I do dislike you. But if you ever leave this world it would be hard for me. I'll admit. There's a reason why God put us together.

Sometimes I just hope one day you'll quit thinking and worrying about us.
and think about yourselves. Look at you guys!! Please.
You guys really need to find time for yourselves and forget about us.
I just really wish and hope deep down inside you're happy.
Happy to be here.
Happy to be living.
Happy to be breathing.
Happy to see us.
Happy to see yourself.
Happy to see your partner.

I love you guys.
I don't think I need to write your names to know who you are.

Sincerely,
your buddy/baby/emo one/ rachel.