Went to Jakarta and Bali this holiday. How was it? Great, I guess. Pretty messed up feeling when I was there. Have lots of thoughts going in my head. Lots of it. Kept thinking kept dreaming. Looking outside the window. Felt like a ghost walking around. Ghost doesn't seem to be the right word. An empty shell would be better.

Walking around and when people turn and stare, Sometimes I wonder was it my hair? Or something wrong with me? But the answer was easy. One word. Insecure. Ya, I always am.

Walking around, looking around. All I see was unfamiliar faces. Some stared at me a few times so I looked at them in the eyes. And there was nothing.

Kept trying and hoping to get to know someone there. Maybe I was feeling insecure. I wanted to know someone and to be known.

Walking around laughing talking bullshyt. Saying all those random stuff and just keep laughing. She asked me was I okay. The truth is I wasn't. Laughter was the best medicine. I believe in that. It really help me to forget many things.

Of course you can only run. But you can't hide from it.

Holiday was great. It was really a great escape. But my troubles never really left. But it made me forget them once in awhile. But I would say going on a holiday was addictive. I wanted more. I wanted to go on to the next plane than home. Just kept going around and explore.

Stayed home to much. I needed to see the outside world. Know what's really going on there than only to imagine all the false image in my head.

Came back home. And here I am sitting on front of the computer. That's the only thing I know? Sometimes I wonder. I cant' go out. So I tried. I didn't use the computer and went to my room. I was blank. I got nothing to do. I didn't even feel like touching my guitar.

Feel so useless.