You're a stranger.
Yet you kept approaching me.
You kept calling me.
You make me someone I'm not.
You make me feel like I didn't do anything wrong.
You blur my vision.
You ask me to do stupid things that I shouldn't do.
You change me at that split second.

I really don't know you.
I kept asking you to leave.
I kept crying.
I kept running.
I kept cursing you.
I told you to shut your mouth.
I told to stop asking me to cut my wrist.
I told you to get out.

Yet you never reply.

I sat there.
I was blank.
I felt like I was staring into space.
I felt like I wasn't me.
I felt like you're trying to kill me.
I felt like you're a devil.

I keep calling Jesus.
I was crying.
I keep talking to him.
I was asking Him to help me.
I felt safe.
I told him I was sorry for not controlling.
I felt His presence.
I kept speaking in tongue.
I told Him that I love him.

You were gone.
You weren't there.
You know you'll be back.

I'll shall tell you.

Rachel.

Stop it.
Stop trying to do that.
Stay away from me.
I don't need your bullshit.
Stay out.


My another half.


Stop it.

Okay a post of frustration. Ha.

Today just isn't my day. F*cked up actually.

I knew something was coming. I sense it. No wonder I felt so darn tired and down.

Whole day is like problems to problems just keeps coming. It's like people trowing stones at you at once and you can't avoid not even one of it.

I tried my best to solve it. Hard shyt. But I kept praying talking to God to help me through. I guess that's why I love being alone. I get to talk to God at the time.

Walking alone speaking in tongues but kinda afraid walking pass people, they would think somethings wrong with me. But I just continue with it.

Coming back home, having a headache which was already been there the whole day just trying my best to ignore it. I fell asleep on the living room floor for an hour. Woke up went for tea break and came back.

Decided to watch Percy Jackson. Watching him made me feel better. Soothe me down. I needed him. Which was sick to the core. Ha. Watch and exercise. Ahh.. I feel much better. But not for long.

After cycling for eighty minutes. The movie wasn't done. So I sat there to finished it. Someone calls me and say whowho wants to watch her show. But hey it's not time yet HELLO!~ silents. ahh... continue watching. But it didn't last long. Boom. I had enough of all the nonsense. I change the channel and went up. F it.

Seriously! We have 3 televisions in the house. Okay let's count it two. Since you can't use the other one. What's wrong watching with the other tv?! Ohh is it too small or what huh?? Can't you see I'm watching mine. When I'm done you can watch yours alright?

Then something made it worse. The whowho actually didn't mind watching with that tv. It's the whowhowho who suggested no you should go down and watch. Urgh! I don't like watching things half way. Oh I get it I watched it more than once but it's different! I hate it!

My day is getting worse alright?! I feel awful. I feel like things isn't working hard no matter how hard I tried. I did my best but.. Still there wasn't any good thing in it. I had enough. I'm tired of this. I'm good in a lot of things but not this. Just let me go for want I can do than this. I'm tired. And I hate wasting my time on something that doesn't have progress. Urgh.. Please. Or I'm gonna blow.

There's no cliff for me to jump to feel better. There's no private place where I can go to let everything out. Place where only I know. There's no pool for me to jump in and feel like I'm drowning to feel better. There's no place for me to just shout and let everything out.

All I have is my cluttered room with no privacy. But yet I could tear there. And cry like a freaking big baby. Yes. I admit I'm weak in the inside. But we all have that right? Just that our tolerant levels are different.

I'm sure mine are stronger than yours because I hide things to myself for a long time yet I could still laugh like nothings wrong. Or am I just a better actor than you are? Or am I a better runner than you. I can run away from things longer.

But we're still human in the end. We get tired and the troubles still chase after you. And there you are again. Down. That's life. I'll get used to it.

Hmm.. How about a blog post? HA..

Nothing new lately. Just the same as always.

Listening to arcade fire. They're interesting ha.

I can't wait for 3M, so gonna watch it. But it'll be a long wait :( seven months..

I feel like puking. seriously. I think it's the air. Urgh.. Not feeling good. I really need to puke...

Sorry for the randomness I just type out whatever comes. I'm just bored. Home alone. Ha. Waiting for my family to be back from kl..

Ah yes.. Hmm.. Well, I don't mind if you don't wanna be friends with me. I clearly don't know what's your problem but I can't be bothered. Anyway, I don't mind living my life without you. Because you didn't make a different in my life.


The feeling of kneeling in front of the toilet bowl and waiting to puke isn't easy. Ha.. At least it's out. It feels disgusting. Ha. But it's not like my first time puking. Ha. The weird part was I puke out food I don't remember eating. Now that's disgusting. Why am I talking bout my vomit anyway? Skip.

Coachella. April 15-17. Aww.. So wanna go. I bet they will have awesome music going on there. And I'm gonna miss it :( Who wanna sponsor me to go to California? Ha. If only. But nothing is impossible eh? Tehee..

Can't wait for our performance. Really hope we are able to make it happen ;D

Dumm ta tak dum tak dum tak.. HA.. Arcade fire-The suburbs. Nice song.


I wanna act! Acting is something I'm sure I wanna go for. It's something I dream of. Not since a kid. Well, it always cross my mind but I never really thought of it. But now I'm sure of it. I'm sure this is what I want. Just gotta wait for the right time. <3

Still feel like pucking. argh..

Anyway, Peace out. GBU. <3

Urgh.. I need inspiration.



I need to improve on my photography skills.



I wouldn't say I'm a bad photographer but I just think I can do better. I want to be better. It's like it's just not good enough. Something is just missing.


I guess I need to be a lot more creative? I feel like it's so normal.

Yea, That's the word. Creative.

But I wouldn't force myself just gotta upgrade on my skills.


Just see where my weird mind and thinking will bring me. Ha.

Hmm.. Something struck me today.

I always wanted to play the role Rachel Elizabeth Dare in Percy Jackson. Ya I know you'll be like "HA! you gotta be kidding me." "Impossible blah blah blah.." But I'm serious and I believe I have the chance.
Anyway, Even before I read the book. I went to Wikipedia to check it out. I guess what caught me was the name? Because my name is Rachel? Ya partly. When I bought the book, read it. I love her. She doesn't hide much, she say what she wants, but she always avoids about her family topic. She brave and strong in her own way. She has a energetic and cute personality. I think it's a interesting role to play. But the problem is I don't have green eyes and I'm not a red-headed. Hmm.. Make up? Contacts? Hmm..

I was also interested in Thalia grace. She's cool girl. haha.. Well, I do have black hair. My hair isn't that long, I don't mind cutting it for the role.

What struck me was.. Why not give Thalia a try? I mean, if this pass it will just pass. If you can't make it at least you can still give Rachel a try. Maybe you will get the role Thalia and not Rachel. At least you never lose that chance. If I just wait for Rachel audition maybe I might not pass and I get nothing. I wouldn't mind getting either one. Though Rachel would be my first choice.. tehee..

I have been trying to find the audition but it seems so impossible. Everybody has their own answer which made me puzzled.

I guess I just gotta keep praying and hope.. :)
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Today was great. teacher switch my seat, I'm sitting next to my friend which was a good thing. Now we can discuss our homework or anything that we don't understand in class. :D But I'm reading Percy Jackson the last Olympians again haha.. It's so tempting I just wanna keep reading it non stop. Which made my friend jokingly say " I'm gonna burn that book if you don't put it away" haha.. Can't help it! >< She's gets bored in class and hoping that I would chat with her, but the book is really making shut my mouth haha.. I love it! XD

I started making my dream board. All the things I want. I guess when you make a goal you will be more motivated in it. :)
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Ah.. Friday got some shooting for the school magazine. I don't think it's the front cover but it's okay. I don't really want it to be at the front cover anyway haha.. So there 5 of us going to take our photo. :)

Teacher selected me to go for some computer wallpaper contest which I don't even know everything on how to do it.. >< But I'll just give it a try :)

Can't wait for Saturday. When we're going to paint our classroom! :D With my design. :D :D Well, It was second best. The first one they didn't have faith that it would work out.. :( haha..
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Having computer class now.. Having this miserable flu that is making me really sick..Breathing in cold air and breathing out hot air . Not to mention ear block, that is affecting me..

Finally exams are over and I'm very elated about that ha.. Well,Planning on watching some Japanese movie with Shan tonight She calls it erika's movie cause the actress looks like her. Probably because of the hair.And I can't wait to watch "My one and only" today. Hopefully there will be time for that tehee.. I'm really crazy over him. So wrong. I don't even know him. But hey, he's a good actor ha.. Can't wait for holiday.. ha..

Going to regin's house to stay for five days. Pretty long. That's a good thing. But well, I'm going to miss the food in Penang and the beach, but I don't think they're going to the beach though. But it's okay I guess. We started planning on what we're going to do. So, pretty awesome I must say hehe.. Maybe record our song. Need lots of practice though.. Later going to switch our class again.. Going up to the fourth floor.. Urgh.. So tiring, like I'm not weak enough.. Ha.. So much for saying how strong I am. Lol.. That's how I got my flu. By driking a sick man's tea. Hey it's not that disgusting. It's just my dad ha. He warned me that he's sick. I just took the risk and him told I'm strong enough. "Strong" Haha..

I'm reading "Battle of the labyrinth" the fourth book of Percy Jackson again. Additive? Y.E.S. and also to kill my boredom in class. I regret not bringing it to computer class. It would be perfect. Going to another world of Greek God's and half bloods adventure. Sounds like some children's story book to be honest. But hey, you haven't read it, that's why. I really hope they're going to make the second movie.
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Back home. And it's a Saturday already. Yes. I did watch "My one and only" yesterday haha.. It seems a lot nicer after watching it the second time. Anyway, Yup yesterday was exhausting, because was playing basketball.. But it was fun..

Today, I don't know. Bored and fun at the same time? Hmm.. haha..

I'm still having "fever" LOL.. No kidding. It's very serious. I'm shocked myself haha.. I don't think I'm going to heal that fast, or maybe I will never will! But it's okay, I like it this way. Haha.. At least he's makes my day. Makes me smile and ready to face everyday. I'm laughing and smiling everyday for no reason. Guess it's because of him. What? Ha..
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Time to post my blog post haha.. Don't know why did I save it in my draft @@ anyway yup.. Anyway just really happy that they're continuing the sequel of PJO :D!

I bought a novel called Linger. It's the second book. The first one is called Shiver. For some reason it just caught my eye. Once you read it, you wouldn't stop. It was written in a form where you would be in another world. Their world. Everything around you just seems to be invincible. the noise around you seems to gone down. It's like time just stops.

Sam is the main guy in the story, but the more I read I tend to like Cole better. Something about his character seems attractive ha. But oh well, it's just a story of people who doesn't exist. The way he was describe, his face, just seem too perfect to imagine ha.. Grace is the main character, I can't really link to her the way I could link to Isabel. As in when she describe her feeling, I could imagine it but not feel it, for Isabel I could. It's like I could feel it. My eyebrows would go closer together, so am I to my book, when I read I wouldn't notice till I was back to reality.. It's pretty interesting.. Ha..

After reading they way the describe. The way they say about their thoughts, I seem to start making words in my head. Which felt more like lyrics. Ha. I tend to talk to myself through my thoughts. Seems Kinda insane? But hey at least I'm saying it out loud. Ha..

School reopen this week. It's my 4th day, since my holiday. It sort of rhymes ha.

Chinese New Year was pretty awesome. I wore a dress. Ha. Yes a dress. NO kidding. Just to let you confirm. I'll say it again. I wore a dress for CNY this year. Ha. I kinda regretted it because I spent more cash than I should. And I'm studying accounts. Wow. How smart can I get? Ha. and I dint have any extra for new year shoe. Ish. Thank god CNY is held in my house haha.. Over all it was fun and enjoyable. And we had crab for supper! *Gasps* Awesome. awesome. I love crab. Ha. Like I was saying.. we ate Indian food on our first day of CNY kinda weird though haha.. And this year 2011 we celebrate with our new member in our family. Della. She's so adorable. I just wanna pinch her face so badly haha.. She's a beauty.

Time seems to pass so fast that week, didn't like that fact. Ha.

On Saturday, I washed my school shoe. Ya I'm serious. Ha. It's like a big miracle! ha.. But I still don't like it, it's white. white. Ish. Ha.. On that same day, I went to Uriah's house for CNY party, one word to describe- Awkward. Well, meeting Uriah and Melvin wasn't as awkward than meeting praveen. I guess because it's been 4, 5 years since we met? Ha. At the dinner table was even weirder haha. Well, I perform one song for them. Sugar town. My voice was bad. *sobs* shocking that I actually have the guts to sing it haha..



Today.
Thursday.
I can't wait for saturday.
Can time get any faster?
It feels like it's going to be awesome.